Its frightening to not know whether you are going to live or die. To realize that there are so many things that you wanted to do but didn't get the chance to do or finish can be difficult to cope with. Upon returning home from the hospital in 2009, this is where I found myself. I wish that I could say that every day I was laying in the bed singing songs of encouragement and quoting texts of scripture to lift my spirits; but the truth is that there were some very difficult days. I used to feel bad or think that in some way I let God down for not always, seemingly having the best attitude about my situation. It was through the experience in my world that I realized that as a believer, life is a series of battles. There will be moments that it seems that you are winning and that every place you stand is being defeated; and then there are other days, days that you wish at times you hadn't been born! Days that you wish never started! What makes you stronger though is how you respond to each battle.
I have learned that there is really only ONE thing that helps you get through each battle! If someone knows of another thing please let me know! That ONE thing is the word of God. The bible says in Ephesians 6, that we must put on the whole armor of God so that we can stand against the schemes of the devil. It goes on to say that we must take up the whole armor of God so that we may be able to withstand in the evil day! Have any of you had an evil day before? I mean a day that was just totally terrible! What about an evil month or even an evil year? It was a blessing that I had memorized texts of scripture before I got sick, because when I was sick I couldn't read anything so the only thing that I could fall back on was the word I had already read. Sometimes all you have is what God has already told you and until that word comes to pass, sometimes God will not give you another one.
I would quote to myself during some moments: "The Lord is my light and my salvation who shall I fear", other days I might say: "God I can't take this anymore" Some days I would say: "By his stripes I am healed", still, there were days when I would say: "God this is too much, come on now!" Other times I could feel prayers and would say: "Thanks be unto God who always causes us to triumph!" I would tell my wife text of scriptures to read back to me just so I could have something positive put in my mind to battle against so many negative thoughts. If you are depressed, sad, stressed out, or just in a poor place right now, there is NOTHING that will help you other than the Word of God! Because so many things that are in your mind are brought on by spirits, you need something that is able to fight on the level of a spirit. You need the Spirit of God so that there is something that can fight against spirits. This was a HARD lesson for me to learn because often we rely on so many other things...
I know this is not knew information to most of you but...people WILL let you down! There were so many people who tried to "speak words into my life" during this time but they really didn't understand what they were doing. So many people would say to me or my wife: "IF you need anything let me know!" The reality is though, if you are going through something that you have never been through before HOW do you know what you need?!?! If someone is going through a difficult situation they no doubt need something, the question is are you willing to do what they may need. Truthfully speaking though, I didn't have time to fight through pain, and try to keep breathing, and battle depression...AND figure out something to tell someone something that I needed at the same time. Besides...what I really needed above anything else was to be healed. I often wondered (and I've been guilty of this) why some people who ask what people need don't lay hands on people and don't actually pray for what they need?!? We place entirely too much confidence in people and then when they let us down, our whole world changes, when in fact we gave them too much in the first place.
HOWEVER: Isaiah 40:8 says, "The grass withers and the flowers fade BUT the Word of our God stands FOREVER" The bible also says: Psalm 138:3, "...You have exalted above all things your name and your word"
May I encourage you today, to become extremely acquainted with the only thing that will not let you down? Friends and Family are great; but even they can disappoint you. Close friends and confidants are wonderful, but they are prone to make mistakes. Remember Numbers 23:19, "God is not man, that he should lie"
In my world I've learned how important the Word of God is! Try reading some today!
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