Back to the ER

I rested at home after coming back from the emergency room wondering what in the world is going on with me.  I am still in constant 24 hour pain, not able to walk, and experiencing terrible nausea.  Above all of this though was the pain I felt from being away from my wife and two year old son.  The doctors told me that I had swine flu and to stay away from my family so that I would not contaminate them.  I must admit that I, and you probably do too, often take for granted people who mean the most to us in life.

I never thought that lightning could strike twice in the same place, however that evening it struck terribly for me.  Remember the burning feeling that came on my neck and head the night before?  It came back again the very next night...BUT WORSE!!!  So I am now literally laying in bed talking to God saying: "Come on now God, I went through this last night, I can't do this again."  Have you ever gone through something that you felt you could never go through, and then something very similar happens again, and you are saying to yourself: "God you have got to be kidding me."  This pain is getting worse and worse so my wife suggests that we go back to the hospital but I don't want to go because, well...at this point I don't trust doctors and they haven't helped me.

A family friend, who is a doctor,  hears of whats going on and suggests that I come to his hospital where he works in the emergency room.  I don't really want to go but the pain keeps getting worse!  So we go to the emergency room, where I am taken really good care of...its good to know people!  My MRI was clean so they do a spinal tap to see what was going on.  While the doctor is performing the spinal tap...I don't think that I have NEVER prayed as hard as I have during this time.  I prayed: "God, please just hold me."  I repeated that to God while the doctor was performing the spinal tap, and I could, even through pain feel God lift me and despite what I felt, I somehow knew that everything would be alright!

They saw some things from the spinal tap in which they wanted to keep me there.  So for the next four days I'm in the hospital.  Waking up and looking at my arms and legs that had gotten swollen over night. I am laying in the hospital, frustrated because I am in constant pain, and none of the medicine they gave me took away my pain or my nausea.  They ran test from Lupus to AIDS; and everything came back negative!!!  Everything except Lyme Disease...But they said: "You don't have that, you have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis, so we want you to go and see a Rheumatoid Arthritis specialist. There are still some test that haven't come back yet but we really think you have this."

After that diagnosis, I turned to my wife and said: "I obviously have something that they can't help.  So if I am going to die, take me home."  I can't walk, I'm barely talking, I am staying awake maybe like 10-15 minutes at the most...so I honestly felt like I was going to die.  My world was really spinning out of control, but I am so glad that despite whats going on in my world HE's got the WHOLE WORLD in His Hand!

Aren't you glad too?  No matter how troubled you may feel; it doesn't matter how much mess is going on in your world...God still has everything in His hand.