Expectations

It was in November 2009, that I received a pic-line (something they insert in your are that goes straight to your heart), because no oral medicine was working for me at the time.  In much pain, I remember asking the physicians as they prepared to do the procedure, how long it would take until I started feeling better.  They told me you will start doing better in THREE days.  I can remember coming home from the procedure and beginning my count to feel better.  One day passed, the second day passed and I didn't feel an ounce better.  Finally the third day came and went and I was no better!  I do believe that I sank to a new level of depression, feeling that possibly I would never get better.  After all, they did say I would start doing better in three days.  Maybe they really meant a week?  It didn't matter, two weeks had passed and I still wasn't walking and in terrible pain.

Then came probably one of the worst parts of my whole process...PEOPLE.  In my world, I have vividly learned that people can be a blessing and a curse.  This is not to say that I or anyone else is better than others.  However I do believe that, for what many of us go through, we can't stand to have certain people around us because they allow us to: wallow in our experience, only think negatively about our experience, and provide No help for our experiences!

Here are just some things that people said to me during my experience: How long do they say you have to live? Man, you look terrible! I remember when I got bit by a tick, I didn't get like you ended up. So, are you always going to be like this?  The reality is, if you are physically sick but you are mentally strong, you have ALL you need to get where you need to go.  I have met cancer patients, whose body's where filled with pain, and yet they strongly encouraged me!  However if you are physically in pain, and are mentally unstable (which I was) you are in a difficult place.  For many of us, our struggles could be remedied by allowing the Spirit of God to change our mindset.  The circumstance may not change but once your mind does, you will have a completely difficult outlook on your pain.  People knew that physically I was in bad shape, but had no idea that I was in a terrible state of depression and really didn't care about living another day.  I'm not blaming people though, before this experience I must admit that I was extremely ignorant about what to say to suffering people.  The reality is people don't need WORDS, they need your PRESENCE!

I realize however, looking back, that the reason why I felt so hurt by people (doctors, associates, friends) is because I had WAY TOO MUCH confidence in them!  I expected them to do certain things so that when they didn't perform or do things as I had expected it pushed me toward more depression because of what I expected from them.  The more trust you have in certain people, the more hurt you will be when they let you down.  For me, this experience showed me in a real way why some people continue to live in cycles.  Cycles of pain, frustration, and depression.  Oftentimes we expect things from people that they have not committed themselves to do for you.  We look for affirmation and acceptance from people so much that when the affirmation and kudos don't come we don't know what to do because some of us live our lives based on the response of others.  Can I suggest to you that you never live your life based on how people will respond to you because you will never be happy.

I have learned in my world to live my life to only please God.  You will be happier, stronger and fulfilled when you get in the practice of making sure that the only person that is pleased from your life is God!  How do you know what pleases God?  Read Romans 12:1-2, it tells what God likes from us!